Help! I can't read cartoons!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now. Before meeting him, I didn’t watch movies, I didn’t know my Seinfeld episodes and I didn’t read graphic novels. Uh, correction, I still don’t read graphic novels. Matt has tried time and time again to sway me into the world of visual art, and I’ll admit, I’ve tried – but I can’t do it. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell people you can’t read cartoons?

Don’t get me wrong, I want to read graphic novels – I do think they’re cool and I certainly think they can be beneficial. My fundamentals of literary studies class, last year at the University of Winnipeg, required me to read Frank Miller’s graphic novel, 300, and I still don’t know what that book is about. Uh, correction again, I do know what it’s about. It’s about the Battle of Thermopylae – but I only know this because I looked it up on Wikipedia two minutes before class started, panicking the professor would think I hadn’t read it. Sure enough, when he asked someone to describe the book I immediately shot my hand up, said the Battle of Thermopylae, smiled and shut up for the rest of the class – confident I had made it obvious I read the book, and certain I wouldn’t be called into questioning again.

I do think that people who can and have the patience to read graphic novels have a talent. I want to be like them. So I’ve compiled a list as to why I don’t understand graphic novels; perhaps you can help me out.

1. Graphic novels require visual literacy. The idea of linking images to words in order to create a meaning is mind-boggling to me. Where do I start?
2. Graphic novels have a reading pattern I don't understand. Yes, I know, left to right, top to bottom. But what happens when the boxes change shape? Is it up...or down...or zigzagged? Man I'm confused.
3. You're supposed to read the pictures too, right? How do I know when I'm done?
4. Books give me in-depth character development, a concrete timeline and a sense of imagination -- how do I get that out of a graphic novel?
5. Graphic novels paint the picture for you. In which part do I get to imagine?